Depression

Hi I'm just another teenager putting my views on the internet for everyone to read why not. i want to apologise for my poor grammar now just bare with.

Anyway i wanted to talk about my struggle with depression, and before you think this is an attention seeking thing its not this is my way of trying to explain my feelings and help people if they need it and want it. So i am 18 years old and i have been living with depression since i was around the age of 14 and unlike some i believe that i have come to the root of the problem of why i feel the way i do and how i can deal with it.

So i personally believe that the reason that i feel the way that i do was due to a particular turning point in my life that effected me deeply and that i was never really able to get over. When i was 12 years old one of my close friends passed away due to neuroblastoma a form of cancer that is more prominent in children. (if you would like to read more click this Nueroblastoma Info) I was very close with this particular friend as we had known one another since, well practically since we were born, so when she passed away it crushed me and personally i don't think i was able to ever grieve properly and so now i still experience this type of feeling even at the age of 18.

Hayley Marie Spokes loved and missed

I have experience many other events in my life that have effected my state of mind; having to deal with being my mothers sole carer after she suffered from 3 strokes, having no real support network when it came to the early days of the depression, etc. but I always saw these as bumps in the road growing up i never really knew what it was or that it could ever be depression.

One of the hardest thing for me and a lot of people is getting help in these situations. You see for me its sounds a bit mental but i have become comfortable with my state of mind, i have been feeling this way for so long that it almost seems normal to me. Now don't get me wrong i know i have depression and i know that feeling the way i do isn't "normal", but its harder than that. Getting help isn't as simple for me as a phone call its yet another person knowing whats wrong and, for me, judging me, and i know that they are professionals and that's not what they are there for but that is what its like.

Seen as though i find it so hard to ask for help off of people i have found my own way of dealing with my feeling so here is a list of what i do when the depression hits (i hate myself for saying that cringing so much right now)

• My number one go to is Music; listen to something that matches your feeling so if your angry rage it out, if sad listen to some adele and cry your heart out.
• Violence, not attacking people dont worry, punch a pillow or something soft so you don't hurt yourself (this one only really works when your angry)
• Go for a walk, get some space separate yourself from society and your problems get some fresh air.
• Cry it out, sometimes I will literally sit in my room for hours and just cry it out and let me make it clear this normally happens when my house is empty so i can also do some screaming if needed
• Art work, i will also throw myself into something constructive and yes sometimes this does end up with some pretty strange pieces of work, but having something that can occupy you for a good 4 hours is a positive thing it distracts you from the feeling.      

Another piece i did to remember my friend

One of the piece's i did when i was feeling down

So yeah that's just a few things that i do to help combat my depression at no point have i ever taken anti-depressants because i personally believe that if you can live with it and cope in your own ways there is no need to let medication rule your head and your life. If anyone has any questions feel free to contact me and tell me what you think about this subject?

This may not flow very well and i apologise for that but its my first try at this so yeah...cheers :)